This past week I was asked a very good…no…I was asked a transformational question, one which forced me to give considerable thought to a core belief. Happily, the more I thought about it the more certain of this belief I became. For those of you who are unaware, my work is helping individuals and organizations uncover and develop the stories which identify who they are at their very best. Having worked through this process they are then able to become the very best versions of themselves – a goal to which each of us should aspire!
The question revolved around the topic of authenticity. I have publicly stated that the language of commerce has changed. It is no longer driven by discussions of features and benefits. In this new commerce, the language is ‘authenticity.’ Today we are required to share who we are at a deeper level than we have known in decades. It is my belief that the stories which illustrate us as professionals are the best tools we have to communicate our authentic selves.
The question was simple: “If we get to choose our own stories, they will invariably show us at our best! But we aren’t always at our best. So, how can we call that a truly authentic communication of self?” GREAT QUESTION!
My thoughts traveled far and wide searching for answers, but I’ll only share the postcards here.
The first compelling thought is about those we know who are caught in despair. We all have stories which we would like to forget, stories of pain and disappointment. Most of us are able to set those moments on the shelf. Some, however, stay locked in them. They define themselves by the roles they played in those stories, finding it nearly impossible to see themselves as anyone other than a failure, a victim or just unlucky.
We have no difficulty seeing this state as authentic. Although we can always see the potential for something better, their current state is authentically sad. I don’t see any argument in that.
What is the difference then, between one person choosing to identify themselves with the worst they have to offer and another person choosing the opposite? There is no difference. I think perhaps we are naturally prejudiced against positivity. Well why not, when negativity is so much easier! I can pretty quickly alter someone’s positive state. But give me a persistent victim and the challenge is far greater!
However that doesn’t change the notion of authenticity. We all have friends, perhaps you’re one of them, who choose to focus on the positive events in life. These friends are as equally true to their self image as those we just described. Yes, they have experienced more than just cotton candy and yes, they don’t always live up to the self they choose to be. But that’s the difference between the ’authentic self’ and the ‘whole self.’
The ’whole self’ includes the entire collection of our experience - good and bad, happy and sad, intentional and accidental - and while this definition is perhaps more complete when reviewing a lifetime it is neither valuable nor fair to use this definition in any given moment. It is one of the gifts of living in time that we can choose to move forward with new intent.
I argue that our ‘authentic selves’ are the people we choose to be, the individuals we aspire to become. All those who have lived legendary lives once cried helplessly in a mother’s arms. They had childhood crushes and scrapped around in the dirt. Then, at some point in time, each of them chose to move forward with new intent. Each of us is afforded this opportunity.
The truth is, unless you choose to define who you are, you leave it to chance. Unless you live with intent your life is randomly redefined with each new wind. And here is the answer to the question posed: To live a meaningfully authentic life YOU MUST CHOOSE the person you wish to become.
Choose well!
Robert
